So what exactly is dating at it’s finest? Do you have a vision for it? Would you recognize it when it happens? For many it is like an elusive dream that we try to return to again and again only to come up short of how we hoped it would be. But for me, it is no dream. I believe the elusive ideal of dating at it’s finest really can really happen, it’s just not something that you can force to happen.
I believe it can happen because I have experienced it. It’s extremely rare, but it exists. Sometimes, you will just click with someone and the natural synergy will be so strong that you are caught off guard when it happens. So what does that look like exactly? Well, we cannot talk about it as a checklist, or a formula, or answers to some questionnaire in a magazine. But we can describe a little of what it feels like…how it lives.
Most of the time, very quickly, if not instantaneously, there will be an attraction. After you go on a even just a couple dates, really interesting things can happen if you have met someone with particularly well suited complementarity. Your heart should beat faster. You will feel both exhilarated and calm. Butterflies? You bet! Nervous? I’d hope so. Each date should feel eminently important. You will feel more awake and focused. With each date you should feel like an olympic skier about to make the run of your life….which may include failure and loss. Oh yes, that sad and terrifying proposition will certainly be present also.
The more natural of a complimentary you have with someone, the more intensely you will feel all of these tensions. Personally, I want all these to be as elevated as possible. That’s how I know there is potential. But this is only the beginning, you better love the process because you are only getting started.
After dating a little while, the endless possibilities of what you both could be should spring up in your heart and mind like a fountain. The other person should make you feel truly alive. Even with your heightened faculties you should start to have a lot of peace and interior calm when you are with them.
So what causes these connections to happen? Not to dishearten you, but mostly it is random. It is true that you can learn to love anybody, but i’m talking about a connection between between people that has a real ‘wow!’ factor. As we discuss regularly on the Podcast, there are many things you can do in order to give the best chance for these types of seeds to grow, even though you cannot force these things to happen.
Partly, It’s a good idea to know the types of things you desire from dating and also from longer term relationships. Not so much in the particulars but certainly in the overall vision you have for your future marriage. Dating and going steady with someone is laying the foundational dynamics for your future, it is not the marriage itself. Although dating is not about marriage initially, that is a big part of what governs our moral sensibilities in how we date as Catholics.
So what is Dane’s vision on this? Here are just a couple things I think of with a person I want to be with long term. I want to love the way they think, I want to be inspired by them, make me laugh, make me want to improve as a person in every way possible. I want our interactions to be dynamic and I want to love their mind and heart. I want to love their mission and help them accomplish their goals, and for there to be a constant exchange of loving encouragement. Eventually I want to adore that person for who and what they are and have them adore me as well for many of the same reasons. That is the type of dynamic I want with my future spouse, and far more than that!!
So dream big on what you think dating at it’s finest is, because largely this will determine the type of people you attract and the type of people you are attracted to. Get inspired about it!! You are laying the foundational dynamics that will define and color the connection you create.